Hello and welcome readers, I’m back with not a poem.
So recently I watched this movie, The Exorcist, which had been lying on my hard disk for months… I know it’s old and all, but it still has a lot in common with today’s horror movies. Look, I’m not a film expert but I definitely see a lot of clichés in all these movies and others and now I feel qualified enough to tell you guys how to make a Horror movie. So here’s the list:
1. Haunted Houses
The characters move in to a new place that is haunted and nobody tells them. Seriously? Why? How? And even if someone does, they, like very modern people, refuse to accept any such possibility. It is advisable the house have acres of land around for the kids to play and be lost in.
2. Ouija Boards
So your house isn’t already haunted? Big deal. Someone finds a Ouija Board in a cellar/basement/secret room/attic and talks to a spirit to the point it decides to harass them or someone around, or both.
3. 3. Tween Girls
So this is totally the person who is the butt of all satanic humour. Demons harass everyone around, but possession? Oh no, kind sir, I refuse to be in the body of anyone but this young lady, she smells of cherries. Okay. Throughout the movie this poor girl goes through the most horrific shit our spirit is capable of, and I genuinely feel sorry for her.
4. A Nice, Gory Backstory
This one is optional, because some people out there are probably not capable of thinking up something like that. Also because, um… nope, just the first reason. So this gory backstory(it rhymes!) can be anything which can be associated to fear, from murders of family to strangers to strange death associations to psychotic murderers or… yeah, you got the picture. But something that annoys me is that many times it doesn’t even make sense, it just seems forced. –Why mom, why? -I’m sorry honey, I had to do this, I love you *gunshot*
5. Jump scares
*nice happy scene* *sudden appearance of scary image* If you’re too lazy to craftily create a scene that frightens the audience, go for jump scares and surprise them. As they say, if you can’t scare them, surprise them.
Props, and typically toys and the likes are probably gonna make those children scared of their own toys. Don’t ask me how I know. It is like, if you want them to not touch their belongings for days, have a possessed prop, because, trust me, they’re scary.
Of course, there’s so much you can do to make a good film, and you should totally not take up on my advice, but anyway, tell me what you think of this post and if you like poetry check out my previous posts.
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